Ch-ch-ch-changes naaananana (Cha-cha-changes)

It's been a while, dear friends of the Scoli-verse. Last week I moved down to Lethbridge which, for those of you with any idea of what the province of Alberta is like, is a bit different from Red Deer. When I say different I of course mean dear god I can see for miles. Literally, miles. That's not the worst part however. As I'm sure I mentioned before, my mom and I have been on our own for quite a few years. I do have two older brothers but they're four and six years older than myself and for the most part either emotionally stunted or just too far away to be of any use.

That means for the last ten years I have been 'dealing' with my scoliosis issues using my mom as a primary support. Let me tell you, it's more than a little unnerving to suddenly have your entire support system suddenly not be there. Of course, that's a little melodramatic. She's with me in spirit, and we've talked every single night (most of the conversations end in tears, I won't tell you whose fault that is.) And she's already made it clear that she'll meet me in Calgary for any and all appointments. That's wonderful of her, especially considering I'm twenty-one and should probably be capable of going to a hospital by myself. And yet part of me is still that shivering little eleven year old who was trying to grasp just what the hell 'scoliosis' actually meant while the doctors droned on and on.

And let me tell you, that eleven year old girl still wants her mom.

I know, I know, it's all part of growing up. I had to deal with my second eldest brother trying to console me the day before by telling me that when I come home mom and I will be a lot closer. He's one of the emotionally stunted ones. I do think it's interesting, however, looking at the way he views his relationship with our mom verses the way I do. For me there's no question, she is and always will be my best friend. We've gone through hell and high water together and she means the world to me. Try telling that to Bro #2 (which I did) and he replies "And you think I don't feel that strongly about her?"

No. I don't. The fact that you just used to the term 'Feel strongly' to describe your relationship with her suggest that while you love her very much, your relationship with her is infinitely different than mine. Not better. Not worse. Just different.

The night before I left we both had a good cry and she suggested that it probably would have been easier if we had hated each other. I can't imagine how I would have turned out if that was the case.

I've been so lucky to have such a strong support system in a single person; moving away from her is like trying to find a white coat in a blizzard.

So, apart from being painfully homesick (I also had to leave behind my two cats) things have been going all right. Kelti (my best friend) and I went to Waterton on the weekend to visit her dad. I promptly got sick, nothing bad, just a cold, and am just starting to recover. We did, however, manage to work in a trail ride. Which I did. Which could have been a mistake. It sort of felt like it.

But hey my body was fighting off a virus so that's my excuse, the hour and a half trail ride had nothing to do with it! Also, I didn't fall off, despite not having ridden for... years and years, twelve or so. It was delightful albeit painful fun, but again, I'm recovering. Mom got a delightful teary phone call the next night when I finally got home because the pain was so bad. It felt as if I had just had a surgery. Generally not a fun time to be had, but it's over.

I know this sense of loneliness can't last. I've already made loads of friends and because I'm in a specific program, most of us will have all our classes together. We all got to bond over the fact that the teacher didn't show up for the first class. Still, one can only find comfort in strangers for so long before one yerns for home, and try as I might, Red Deer will always be home for me.

To sum up, I'm lonely and feeling the need for some mothering, anyone? Not a lot, just a 'It's all right, dear' or 'Everything will turn out'.

And there you have it. I really ought to get to my political intro class, I suppose... If the teacher doesn't show again I'll be demanding my money back.


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